When your girlfriend tries to hold your hand before marriage



Just ran into snorlaxatives on campus while going to class.

It was nice to meet you!  I like your backpack!  :D

it was nice to meet you too!!!! 

i just met one of my followers on campus!!! she recognized me and she was really nice and she had really cool eyes!!! i forgot what she said her url was but yeah that was nice



(kissing pickle loudly)

(violently starts frenching pickle)


so my dad’s friend was bartending and saw a guy put something in a girl’s drink so while the guy turned around he switched their drinks and watched the guy roofie himself. 

(kissing pickle loudly)

2AM Club - Evidence
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2AM Club | Evidence

What are these metaphor jokes from?

the fault in out stars movie clip where the dude whips out a pack of cigs and puts one inbetween his teeth and says it’s a metaphor lol

Oh, Luke. You & your little dancing animated cartoon gifs, I love you so much. But, there are times where I just want to push you in front of a bus, but ilysm. (Most of the time)

what the hell


I need a job that pays ∞/hr

Kid: Yeah give me a pack of Marlboro Reds.
Cashier: Are you 18?
Kid: It's okay, they're a metaphor.

i really like the final 3 in this season of face off and i’ll be happy with whoever wins but tbh i’m rooting for rashaad