"if boys had uteruses they’d be called duderuses"
bobs burgers really is a national treasure


im about to start working as a grader and one of the rules is to not give a 69 on a test. my directions say to look at it again to see where i can give partial credit or take points away because a 68 or 70 would be fine. this is incredible

i can’t believe someone typed out the entire transcript to the bath and body works rant lady video


Hello, everybody. This is going to be extremely explicit. So… if you don’t like swearing, um, or angry people — from Wisconsin — then turn your mothereffing camera off NOW. I just got back from Bath and Body Works and I am going to start from the veeery beginning. (sigh) I’m so mad right now, you guys literally have no idea. I was shaking, like, for the past hour I have been shaking to the point where I couldn’t even make a video because I was so mad. So let me backtrack. If you guys have been watching my videos, you all know that I have been searching high and low ever since they had the candle sale, um, 2 for $20 candles at Bath and Body Works. I have been searching for two scents. I have been searching for the Winter Candy Apple and the Iced Gingerbread. This is the last day of the sale, Sunday. I have been calling my store in Appleton… APPLETON, WISCONSIN, I want everybody to know… this happened in Appleton. I have been calling my store every day for the past week wanting these two scents. I want Winter Candy Apple, Iced Gingerbread. They were supposed to come out, uh, they were launching in the stores October 29th so they were supposed to be out. I have been calling Green Bay, Appleton, Fond du Lac, and the outlet in Oshkosh. All four stores don’t have them. That’s not what makes me mad. Ticked me off a little bit but I thought, ehh, they’ll eventually come in, no big whoop. So, (sigh) I have to calm down because this gets really bad here. So, I’ve been calling, calling, calling, they don’t have them. This morning, well actually yesterday, I called my Appleton store and I said, “You know, I hate to bother you again, but I’m calling about these candles,” and I said, “You know, if I’m harassing or anything in any way, please let me know…” I’m like, “‘Cause I can be quite persistent.” I said, “So, if you want to take down my name and number, like, go right ahead and do that because that way you guys can call me when you get them in.” THE APPLETON STORE. I gave her my name and number — hadn’t heard from her. I went to the Oshkosh store today, but before I went, I called my Appleton store again. I said, “I know I gave you my number and everything… I’ve been looking for these two candles… I’m going to the Oshkosh store, and if you guys have my two candles, I’ll head over there.” I was amazed, she said, “Guess what? We have them in!” I was like, what? I’m like, “Please, please! Put- put one of each on hold, um, I bought two Peach Bellinis a while ago, um, actually I bought three so I was just gonna take these two Peach Bellinis back and exchange them,” and I thought, oh my gosh, that’s awesome! So I said, “I’m gonna go to Oshkosh first, then I’m gonna head — because I live in Neenah — so I’m gonna go to Oshkosh first and then I’m gonna go all the way to Appleton to get these two candles because I want them and I know that once they get them in, they’re gonna be gone,” and I said, “Please hold a three wick Iced Gingerbread and a three wick Winter Candy Apple.” She said, “Will do.” Okay, everything’s fine. I get to Oshkosh, my mom and I are shopping around at the outlet mall there, um… just so that you guys know, uh, traffic-wise and things, it was a really busy day because the Packers were playing… this is the only good thing that happened, I think the Packers won — I don’t know! I’ve been busy taking care of bitches all fuckin’ day! (sigh) Okay. So, I’m like, I’m seriously really upset, you guys are not gonna believe what’s just happened to me. (sigh) Okay, so, my mom and I are at the outlet in Oshkosh and all of a sudden I get this call and I’m like, “Oh, that’s weird.” I miss the call so I call the number back and I’m like, “Who is this? Someone just called me,” and she’s like “Oh, this is Bath and Body Works!” She’s like, “I was just wondering what time, about, you were coming.” And I said, “Well, I’m in Oshkosh, we’re leaving in about fifteen minutes, and then we’re headed to Appleton and we will be there right away. I’m just gonna go in and out and that’s it.” Okay, she said, “I just want to let you know that those two candles that I said that we had, they’re not actually in our store, they’re in an ‘off-site store.’” I’m like, “An off-site store?” And she’s like, “Yeah, it’ll only take us a few minutes to go and get them but I just want to know where you were abouts at the time.” I said, “Okay…” I said, um, “Well,” I said, “I don’t really want to inconvenience you,” I said, “If you’re just going to this ‘off-site store’ just to get my two candles,” and she’s like, “Oh, no, no, no,” she’s like, “We’ll just grab all of them and bring them on over,” I said, “Okay.” I said, “Well, I’m leaving in about ten to fifteen minutes, I’ll be there in a half an hour.” Okay, no problem, great. Hang up the phone. I get to Appleton, my mom does all the shopping, she spent probably like sixty dollars, I would say, um, getting stuff. So, my mom gets stuff and I go up to the register with my two candles and my mom did her transaction first and I’m like, “Hi,” I’m like, “I was the person who called, um, can you please, um… you know, get my candles because I’m just gonna exchange them?” And the woman looked at me really funny and she’s like… she was- she was really a bitch to me, the woman- the first woman who helped me out, she had blonde hair, I don’t know her name… but she was kind of rude to me and she was like, “Um, I really don’t know anything about that,” and I’m like, “Oh, no, that’s no problem,” I’m like, “I’m sure the manager knows, not a big deal.” And she’s like, “Okay, well, I’m gonna help the person in back of you first,” and she’s like, “Just wait a minute.” So then she leaves and goes to get the manager, comes back, and says, “They’re not in the store.” And I’m like, “Oh, no, no, no, I just- I just talked to somebody like a half an hour ago and they said that they were gonna get them right away and come back.” She’s like, “We didn’t leave yet.” And I’m like, “You didn’t leave yet?” I’m like, “I called about a half an hour ago,” I’m like, “They should be here.” And she said, “I’m- we’ve just been really busy.” I look around… there’s barely anybody in the s- FRICKIN’ STORE! There’s barely anybody in the store because the Packers are playing today and everybody is at home watching TV, where I probably should’ve been. So I said, “Okay.” She said, “Let me talk to my manager.” So she goes back, ge- talks to the manager, comes back out and she’s like, “Okay, well, the girl is leaving right now to get your candles, um, so, yeah. The girl is leaving right now,” and I’m like, “Okay,” I’m like, “Well, I’m not going anywhere else in the mall, I’m here just for the sole purpose of getting these candles, so I’m gonna wait right here.” She’s like, “Okay, well I’ll just help the next customer back of you,” and I’m like, “Okay,” and I’m waiting. Waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting, waiting. About fifteen minutes later, miss “Jen,” manager “Jen” comes out and says, “I am so, so sorry. I honestly thought that we had your candles at our ‘off-site’ store. But we only have the small, four-ouncers in.” (sigh) And I said, very calmly, “You’re kidding me, right?” She said no. She’s like, um, “What I can do,” she said, “Is I can call around to the o-” and I said no. I said, “I’ve been calling Fond du Lac, Oshkosh, Appleton… um, where else? Green Bay.” I said, “I’ve been calling all the stores and no one has them,” I was like, “I was just so relieved when you told me this morning that you had them and I came all the way from Oshkosh to get them,” and I’m like, “What do you mean you don’t have them?” And she’s like, “We- we just don’t have them,” she’s like, “I’m sorry, it’s my mistake.” So then I’m like, “Okay…” I’m like, “Well, I guess I’ll get my Peach Bellini candles back…” And then she’s like, “Okay.” So she walks all the way around, gets my candles. As she’s packaging them up, I’m like, okay, I’m like, “I don’t want to be rude or anything,” I said, “But I think I deserve something.” I’m like, “If it’s a free item, or a gift certificate, or something for what just happened here,” I said, “Because I have been on you guys for a week to try to get these candles, and with you telling me that they were here and I came and I carted myself and my mother all the way to Appleton to get these mothereffing candles th-“, I didn’t say that, I’m thinking this in my head, this is all going on in my head… and I had a very pleasant face when I was talking. So you know what- you know what “Jen” says to me? You know what this goddamn “Jen” says to me? “I can give you some coupons and put these in your bag.” And I said, “Jen, I have every single coupon that Bath and Body Works has.” I said, “I have about ten of them. I don’t need any more coupons!” I said, “Can you give me something else? Something?” She takes my original receipt, from my Peach Bellinis, takes it out of the bag and says, “There’s an 800 number on the top of this receipt and when you call, you’ll get a live person and you can explain to them what happened and I’m sure they’ll be able to help you with something.” And I said, “A live person?! Who the FUCK do you think I’m talking to now? Am I talking to you, who is not really here? Are you reality?! Because I thought you were a live person! Are you not a live person?” I left out the F word. And she looked at me and said, “I’m sorry, ma’am, I can’t help you.” And I said, “Give me my candles now.” And she kept on apologizing and I said, “I wanna leave this store, give me my candles NOW,” meaning my Peach Bellinis. So she gave my, my Peach Bellinis and I was on my- my merry fucking way. And that bitch Jen, you know what I’m gonna do, Jen? I’m calling your district manager! I’m telling them what happened and what you did and how you fucked up. And I’m telling them how that other blonde girl was rude to me… I’m telling them, Jen. Oh, Jen, your ass… your ass is gonna get reamed. Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk… it was just a really, really bad situation that ended badly. And I’m done now. Thank you for watching. Please share this video with everybody so we can know- have everybody know, in the state of Wisconsin and around the whole United States, that “Jen” from Appleton needs to check her shit out. Bye.

The Forest Spirit, god of life and death

The Forest Spirit, god of life and death

(Source: lovelykamui)

i had a dream there was a 5th halloweentown movie and they brought back the original actress who played marnie and i was so happy but now i’m realizing it was just a dream @ god why must you play these games with me

i got a pumpkin spice bagel with peanut butter for breakfast and let me tell you i am a changed man this shit is too good

(Source: youngjustices9)


Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to enroll in a Classics course and deliberately and consistently mispronounce “Penelope” as “Peen-a-loap.”

(Source: moviesludge)


i just had a huge moment of realisation in this lecture and need to tell you all right now. in the film I Am Legend, Will Smith watches the film Shrek. this means that dreamworks animation studios exists in this universe. this would mean that the film Shark Tale, in which Will Smith voices an animated fish also exists in the I Am Legend universe and I’m not sure what this means

(Source: tm73)


and I would walk 500 dogs and I would walk 500 more

(Source: spoopysmaug)

Can you say what happened on bobs burger? What was that post about, saying that it takes it to another level? Sorry I'm super behind!

it’s not about bobs burgers it’s about the walking dead if you saw tonight’s episode you’ll understand